Shyla Blogs

Hey, you guys. I’ve had an interesting week. Still going through my financial issues and that creates a lot of stress, but I’m actually handling it really well. I’ve taken a “Ok, do not freak out, what happens, happens.” attitude. If you know me, you know I have a really hard time with things I can’t control. It’s a character flaw I’m working on. So, to be able to just chill on this money thing is a big deal for me.

Chubbie Buddie workouts are suspended for right now. Erica is not feeling well. I’ll let her tell you about it. We had the most fun last Saturday, though! We got together for the nightly Chubbie Buddie walk, but had to go get her dad some food first. Since we were in town anyway, she thought it would be a good time to show me the gym I’m gonna be joining (from the outside, I can’t go in yet, not until I sign a waiver). However, when we rolled up to the gym, there was someone inside it, working out. Not wanting to look like stalker perverts, we decided not to stare in the window while he was there. It was around 11:30pm, and we figured he wouldn’t be there that much longer. We parked in a dry cleaner’s lot and faced the gym to wait. A half hour later, we were still sitting there, getting slap happy! I hadn’t slept the night before, and when I don’t sleep everything is beyond hysterical to me. I started just screaming in the gym’s direction, “DUDE! What are you even doing in there?!” which cracked Erica up. That of course, egged me on, lol. We drove all around Nashville over and over so as not to look like we were stalking this dude. At one point, about an hour in (Yes, an HOUR!!) a random dude walked up to the car and asked us if we like music. We started to laugh and said yeah, we like music. Then he showed us some cards we couldn’t make out in the dark and told us he was a collard-eating good ole boy or something like that. We started the car and, laughing, drove away from the creepy invisible music collard eating man. This is how crazy-silly we were, this was not scary to us, only absurdly funny! When we circled back to the lot, he was gone.

By this point I had named the work-out freak “Kevin”- no idea why, it just seemed to work. Now I’d scream random things like, “KEVIN!!!! What are you even DOING in there?!?!” It was amazing us that he was just going and going and going. And yes, we even theorized about what was happening in there… not all of our theories were, um, clean, lol!! We just knew he was talking steroids to be working out that hard, and had some, er, small side-effects going! So when I’d scream, “KEVIN! ” Erica, in a high-pitched mouse voice would respond, “What? My testicles shrank!” Then I’d threaten to cut them off if he talked about them again to me. Oh, how we laughed!

When I screamed, “KEVIN! What? Are starting a religion in there???” we decided he needed a theme song. Which I, so sleep-deprived I felt drunk, wrote this little ditty, to the tune of “House of the Rising Sun”, “There once was a church in New Orleans… it’s called the Rising KEVIN! … and he was so sad, cause he had small nads… ” I can’t remember the last line right now, but it involved him staying in the gym till seven. I’d sing it in a gravelly voice and we’d just laugh more. I’m telling you, we were not right that night! It was so much fun! Just hanging out and yelling at Kevin. I’d never stalked someone I cared nothing about, lol. We’d park in the dry cleaner’s lot until we lost our minds, drive around Nashville, then park in the library parking lot, staring at the gym from the other side. We were in the dry cleaners lot at 2am when KEVIN! finally left! Our windows were rolled down and we are sure he must have heard us cheering and hollering “KEVIN! Finally!!” cause he looked over at us at one point, but we didn’t care, we were just so happy he was leaving! We’d invested over two hours in this wait! I know that in itself was beyond nuts, but neither of us wanted KEVIN! to win. We wanted to see this thing through to the bitter end. We even grabbed hands when we saw him coming out, lol. It was some serious chizz!

And after all that, we spent maybe five minutes looking in the window! Ugh! Lol. I’m still so mad at KEVIN! . Who works out for two hours on a Saturday night?! Dude!

Erica got sick on Sunday, and I didn’t walk that night, or Monday (sleep issues, eek!) and then I walked by myself Tuesday night. I was rocking out! I love talking to Erica on our nightly walks, but I also love listening to tune-age when working out. I was wearing the shoes her mom had sweetly given me after reading my last post (Aww!) and I literally wore them down! A piece came off from the bottom, and they rubbed the back of my ankles raw, even though I was wearing socks. Boo, I wanted them to work out.

Didn’t walk last night due to the fact that I hadn’t slept for two days at that point and I was falling asleep after I got back from an awesome dinner at Wendy’s house with her, Robert and her parents. And that brings us to tonight. I ate hot dogs and now my stomach is killing me! Extreme diarrhea and cramps. Woo hoo. Fail.

So, I’m determined that no matter what happens, how I feel, anything- I am gonna walk tomorrow night!

MOST AWESOME CHUBBIE BUDDIES WALK last night! We had not walked in about three or four nights due to me being depressed and her being sick, so we were both kinda apprehensive about starting again last night. I took a shower right before the walk and guess what- it helped my shin! No pain AT ALL the entire walk. And what a walk! We usually go twice around our neighborhood which is about half an hour time wise and a mile length wise. We doubled it last night! We had so much to catch up on and talking always spurs us to walk more. Plus, I was pain-free in my shin so I was all good to go!

I really felt wonderful during the walk. Erica and I click so well together as friends. We are twins *points to head and mouths “up here”* I really do have the best friends a girl could want. My Aisha, my Erica, my Wendy! I love you guys bunches!! The Chubbie Buddie program is working SO well! Except for this past few days, which were flukes! , we have hardly missed any walking days! That is awesome to me. Walking alone on my treadmill was good, but this is so much better. Talk about accountability! Serena, my wonderful cousin and faithful reader, you were so right when you suggested I get a walking pal all those months ago! It makes all the difference.

I’m having financial issues (aren’t I always?!) and told Erica last night that I would not be able to join the gym come August. That was the hardest thing to deal with during this most recent financial freak out. I really wanted to join this gym! And I also wanted to help Aisha join it, too. Well, get this, Erica so wonderfully and amazingly offered to pay my part until I can get back on my feet. And she even went so far as to take the final decision out of my hands when she saw I might decline due to guilt/pride. It’s final, she’ll get me into the gym and all I have to do is promise to go with her every day. A promise I gladly made and will keep! And Aisha just got a job!!! To quote a line from “Moulin Rouge”- “Everything’s going so well!” Lol. I’m really super optimistic today! Part of the reason for my super optimism is that my financial issue was cleared up this morning and I’m gonna be ok for a little while longer.

One craptastic thing from last night’s walk is my shoes are now so bad that I got two blisters on two separate toes. Suck. Oh well! I can work around this. Hopefully when all the finances are calm again I can buy a new pair. Any kind soul with cash to spare that feels like donating to the ShylaBlogs-needs-new-shoes campaign please note I am a 10 wide and am partial to pale pink. LOL!!

Any of you guys on Twitter? If you are, or if you want to join to follow me, I just created a new Twitter account to support this blog. I can be more up to the minute on Twitter and I’m thinking it might be cool. It is: www.twitter.com/ShylaBlogs I’m excited about it. So, I’ll Tweet and keep doing blogs. I am gonna keep this journey going and document the whole ordeal!

Ok, that’s all for right now you guys. I’m in a really good mood and am off to listen to music and smile a lot. Chubbie Buddie walk tonight at 9pm!

Trying to get back in the “write every day” groove. I embarked on my and Erica’s Chubbie Buddie walk tonight in flip-flops to see if they would help ease the shin pain. We started walking and the pain didn’t automatically start, so that was a plus. We were talking as we walked, and I noticed that it was taking longer for the pain to start. Score! The pain did finally show up, but later than it had been appearing. I am determined to find a way to end this shin pain. It is my nemesis and must be stopped. THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE! . Sorry, lol, had to go all dramatic for that! We cut the walk short due to a storm rolling in. Then her mom called because her dad had fallen, so I ran over to her house with her to see if I could help. The rescue people had to come out- it was so scary! After he was ok, she and I chilled at her kitchen table, talking and laughing, waiting for the storm to pass. Except for the really scary part, it was a really nice night.

A bit of advice for my peeps- do not watch two episodes of “Losing It with Jillian” back to back. It will be too intense to handle! LOL. We all know she inspires me to lose weight, but in small doses, you know? You guys, I watched the most recent two episodes today and was like freakishly pumped! It was really good in a way; I hadn’t watched her in two weeks and had been down on myself. Her advice and encouragement to the families always seem to hit the spot with me. The first one wasn’t that great, because she was helping an entire tribe, not just the family. However, the second episode, “Franklin” was really good. The mom had gastric bypass surgery before and then lost her business and it all fell apart. The dad was just really not into being healthy at all, liked the attention lavished upon him by people trying to help him out. Jillian had him pegged from the jump! She would not yell at him because that’s what he wanted, a fight. She just let him keep giving up and focused on the mom. They also had these adorable girls who were begging their mom to stop smoking and thanking Jillian for showing them how to all be healthier. I just love those cute kids! I can’t really define what I got out of this episode, because it wasn’t, like, a clear “OMG!” moment, it was more of a … ok, I got it. It was more like what I didn’t want to happen. They were fighting her the whole time, and the dramatic reveal wasn’t that dramatic at all. I felt like they were just doing lip service to the program for the show’s sake. I want to take this much more seriously. I’d like to think if Jillian was here, I’d break down the first day crying and just be a big pile of self pity that she’d yell at and I’d have this big moment that would galvanize my resolve, and the rest of the week would be her showing me how to seriously get healthy. I would hate to waste all her knowledge by being stubborn. So, I started thinking about how I’ve been on this healthy journey for seven months now and have not really lost a dramatic amount of weight. That makes me think maybe I’ve been like those stupid people who are just coasting along, not really serious. That bothers me. I’m really glad I’m joining the gym next month. That’ll help boost my oomph a little. Walking is wonderful and I am grateful I can do it, but it can be so boring and monotonous (NOT a reflection on my company!! ). A gym will help change it up a little.

I also have been thinking a lot about my eating habits. They aren’t good. Not even a little. True, I’ve cut sugar waaaaay back due to Mommy’s diabetes. I also eat a ton of oranges and apples. I snack on those all the time. But I don’t restrict what else I eat, or how much. Portion control… yeah, no. I do not do that. I have also fallen back into two cups of coffee a day. Sigh. The one cup a day lasted for a few months, but I’ve fallen off the caffeine wagon. Ugh. I’m scared to start a “diet.” I don’t think I have that kind of self-control. I start to want a food and it is all I can think about until I eat it. It consumes my thoughts; I can’t even read a book without also thinking about this food. Even if I knew I could have that food in moderation, I still just want it and have to have as much as I can stand of it, and then some. Like right now, I want to eat something. I am not “hungry” at all, I had food not long ago, but I really want to eat something. My willpower doesn’t exist around food at all. I’m developing it when it comes to exercising; I’m starting to be able to just do it. But with food? I don’t think I can fight it. It’s so deeply engrained and sometimes even unconscious. How can I honestly change that? I have no idea. I want to change how I eat, but that seems like such a huge mountain to climb, is it even worth it? Ugh. Maybe I should just concentrate on building my muscles and stamina for right now. That seems achievable.

I started this post all hyper and perky, but I am not feeling it tonight. Sorry, you guys. Nothing is wrong, I’m just not Bubbles tonight, you know?

Tonight I thought I was a super hero, lol. The Chubbie Buddie walk was set for 9pm, as usual, and Tia wanted to come along, too. So she and I started to get ready to walk at 8:45pm. I went to my room to change and discovered Erica had texted me to cancel because she was still out. I thought about this and knew she needed me to be the motivator here and so I texted back that we could do it later, when she got home. So, that plan was set. Then I walk out of my room, and Tia is all dressed, ready to go. So I figure, yeah, I’ll do this walk now with Tia, and then when Erica gets home later, I’ll just do another one with her. I scoff at myself! Scoff!

Tia and I started, a nice pace with our MP3 players rocking out. About five minutes into the walk, my freaking shins started to hurt again. I hate them, I wish they would go ahead and burst forth from my legs like they keep threatening to do. I have done research on shin splints, and I’ve put ice on it before and after working out, I’ve applied heat for fifteen minutes before I walk, I’ve taken ibuprophen, I’ve used Icy/Hot, Tiger Balm- NOTHING WORKS! I cannot stop or prevent this cramp-like tightening of my shins every time I walk now. I am not ever gonna let it stop me, but I am so sick of it! (Aww, see, the “shuffle” on my music player just offered up “Brown Eyed Girl” and I feel so much better!) I think it’s either muscles I haven’t used in a long time freaking out or an injury I got walking. Either way, just continuing to walk will heal it and build strength in it. So, I continue walking and push past the pain. Ow.

Anyhoo, the shins were especially bad tonight. Normally, they stop hurting the minute I stop walking, but they kept hurting tonight after my walk with Tia, so I was forced to cancel on Erica. Sigh. Damnit. So, I feel like a huge pile of trash because she had already cancelled and I talked her back into walking and now here I was cancelling on her. Oy. She really understood, but I still feel like a heel. No more will I think I can double-book walking! I’ve learned my limitations for right now!

On a happier note- I’m joining a gym on August first! It’s Erica’s gym in Nashville and we can get a “couples” discount because the owners are being really sweet to us ’cause we are broke. I think that is so awesome of them! And I’m trying to drag Aisha there, too. She wants to get healthier now, as well. So, we are all gonna link arms and skip to the wizard together! Lol, ooooooor, we are all gonna work our bums off in the gym! The three of us went for a late-night walk in Wilson the other night and it was really nice. We laughed and had a nice time all together, so that’s good!

I was in PA for five days, and that always freaks out my work out plans. Don’t get me wrong, I do some physical labor on these festival trips! There is bending, lifting, pulling, setting up. Some of that crap is HEAVY! And then there is the walking! I had to go blocks and blocks to get to my morning coffee, lol. (Which reminds me- I heart Panera Bread!!!) And I swear it felt like I was always going uphill! There AND back! Ugh! So, it was hard, but there wasn’t that sustained walking and sweating I get from the nightly walks. So, when I got back, I felt all bloated and just heavier than normal, and naturally decided it would be a great idea to weigh myself! Ugh!!! EPIC FAIL! It wouldn’t weight me again! That depressed me, natch, but it also pissed me off royally. I thought about stopping it all together, but only for a second. True, I feel like I have made no progress, but even I have to see that I’m changing, on so many levels. I am soda free, have been now for 7 months. Sugar has been drastically reduced (almost all gone!). I work out every day more often than I don’t. I know these things. I accept them. What flashed through my mind was I don’t look any different, the weight on the scale has only moved once for me, and my clothes don’t fit any different. So what progress is there, really?

Well, quite a lot, actually. I had to be real about this scale shiznit. I don’t eat great on the road, and the water retention alone has to be huge, as I was pounding the H2O back like it was going out of style due to the extreme heat. Plus, I am in fact building muscle where there was none before, and that takes weight, too. Erica and Ma and Tia all three nudged me to remember all this. So, ok. The scale hates me again, but it will not stop me. Whatever, scale!!

Well, I hopped on it again tonight (I know, I know, Erica! I need to only get on it once a month! I agree with you, but I was pulled in by a gravitational force, lol. I’m sorry!) and holy crap- it must have been water weight cause I am actually a pound lighter than when I weighed the first time it weighed me! So, at least 10 pounds lighter in a couple of days! Huh, freaky! I’ll try to stay away from it now for about a month. Nothing good comes from constant weighing!

Tee Hee, but I’ve lost! SCORE!!!!

Walk was good last night, sort of. Ok, let me explain better, lol. The talking and the company, as always, were wonderful! However, I wore some underwear that was bizarrely tight around the leg seams. So, as we walked, I kept trying to re-adjust (read: looking like I was picking the most spectacular wedgie known to man) to no avail. There was no position they would go in that didn’t rub my upper inner thigh raw. I tried to ignore it and just move on (shoulder Jillian approved) which worked for the rest of the walk. I did have to keep grabbing at my underwear in a wonderfully odd looking display every few minutes, but whatever. Erica knew what I was doing and my neighbors, if they looked out the window, had a great laugh I’m sure. Tee Hee. After the walk, we sat on her deck and talked. Actually, we talked after she read my epic poem and I stretched. The moon was so gorge last night! It really was a lovely night.

After I got home, you guys, the chafing made itself known, fully. OUCH! I could hardly sleep, because every single time I rolled over, it made my underwear rub against that part of my leg. Great! I can come up with some random stuff, can’t I? LOL! So, when I finally woke up, I tried to do a little walking to see how it would be. No go. It’s right on the crease where leg meets body and there is no way to avoid it. Erica texted me that she wouldn’t be able to make our regular time. I thought this was a wonderful thing! More time to let it heal! However, when she did finally send me a text telling me she was home, it had not, in fact, healed yet. So she walked solo and I went looking for baby powder!

As IF that weren’t enough to make my day less than sunny- my stomach is freaking out on me. Joy. I know why (or I think I might). We had home-made hamburgers last night and my stomach seems to be reacting to red meat more and more adversely of late. When we have hamburgers, stroganoff, sloppy Joes, anything made from chopped meat, my stomach goes nutso on me. It hurt last night, and I thought that was it, but I woke up so nauseated this morning, it was horrible. After I’d been awake for a while it turned into other stomach issues (I know, I tell you guys everything, so why hold back now? Cause even I get sick of describing ickyness, lol) and I’ve been nursing Pepto Bismal all day. What makes me happy? That wouldn’t have kept me from walking. I know because I had these stomach issues last night and still walked! Yay me! I can push through that, but the chafing is different entirely. Walking won’t make my stomach worse, but it most definitely can make the rubbed raw skin worse by rubbing it off further. Again, OUCH! .

So, I’m setting my sights on tomorrow. I thought about doing some Pilates tonight ’cause that won’t hurt my chafed area, but in the end didn’t do it. Eh, that’s ok. I’m allowed a fail day. I’m human, right? The important, imperative thing is to not let it become a daily thing. I didn’t today, but I will tomorrow! Bet on it!

Hey, you guys! Tonight’s Chubbie Buddie walk was really hard for me at first. Erica came bounding out like Tigger- which is a great thing because I needed her to be gung ho and drag me along! So, we started and almost immediately my right shin started to hurt. It normally doesn’t hurt that much until the end of my walking, but it just came on all of a sudden tonight. It felt like the outside of my calf was tightening fast and hard. Each step just got worse. We talked about it and I decided to just keep walking. Here are my reasons for pushing past the pain:

1. I was out there with my Chubbie Buddie, and just stopping because of a leg pain didn’t seem very fair to her. I made a commitment and wanted to live up to it.

2. Jillian Michaels was standing on my shoulder screaming at me. Last week’s episode she said something about a body being able to take whatever we do to it. That stuck with me. Also, my fave Jillian quote, “Why do you choose failure when success is an option?” That gets me- that really makes me think. So, was I gonna just stop walking and once again allow myself to fail? Nope, not gonna happen.

So, I told Erica let’s just keep going. I had to slow it way down and even stop a couple of times, but after about 20 minutes (yeah, I know, out of a thirty minute walk, sigh) I noticed it wasn’t hurting anymore. Jillian hadn’t lied. I could do this, my body would do what I told it to do. Huh. That’s eye-opening. I even suggested we keep walking past the second lap, but then we realized we both had to go inside our houses and couldn’t continue. Yay, us! We walked and did the full half hour!

I also watched last night’s episode of Losing it with Jillian and that really got me thinking. The Vivio family were such strong people, but they had this way of being down on themselves. They didn’t feel comfortable accepting praise when they accomplished something. Sound familiar?? I always am down on myself and am quick to point out when I fail, but when I do something good, I get very shy and embarrased about it. Remember how hard it was for me to just list 14 things I didn’t hate about myself? I can talk all day about someone else’s virtues, but when asked about my own, I clam up. I don’t feel right saying what a great person I am. I needed that episode!

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Next day- had to stop writing to read something awesome!

Anyhoo that episode of Jillian got me thinking a lot. You guys know I constantly wonder why I started to get fat and when. After that ep of Jillian, I was thinking about it more. I stayed up for a few hours that night, trying to recall when it all started. I always thought it was when I was around nine, but looking at old pictures, nope, not then. I was already chubby by then. I know I was a stick figure in kindergarten… so what happened? I can recall no trauma; no upset, no harsh memories assault me. I know very well maybe nothing happened, could just be my genes… however, Ma and Tia were both thin into their twenties. Huh. If nothing happened- good. I have nothing to worry about. However, what makes me nervous is this… what if I am successful on this journey, lose the weight, only to be attacked by some unknown mind ninja that has been lurking for twenty years? That will just wreck me. And that’s what freaks me out. The not knowing if there was a catalyst or just a slow slip into unhealthiness. I’m still doing research on this, though; it will not stop my journey!

Speaking of that episode of Losing it with Jillian she dropped another great Jillian quote-bomb on us: “When you give yourself credit for something, when you take pride in what you do, it doesn’t mean that you think you’re better than someone else. It just means that you value who you are, and you send that message to the word.” Huh. That is a great way of putting it. It seems I have a lot of thinking to do here.

Whew! It’s been almost a month since my last blog, I am so sorry! But get this; it hasn’t been because I stopped working out! I’ve just been so focused on other things, I let the blog slip. My bad!

Ok, so as far as the workouts, Erica and I have been kicking Chubbie Buddie butt! We started with the idea that we’d walk in our neighborhood three times a week and take the weekends off. The first week, we walked once and then kept cancelling on each other the rest of the week. Even though we had a great talk, and just kept hanging out that day, that was the day I burned like I was in an abandoned oven, so I couldn’t even do anything the next week! Ugh, my skin sucks.

However, then Erica and I found out something really interesting about ourselves… we preferred walking at night. We are both extreme night owls and the getting up at 7:30am to walk for half an hour was just not good. Turns out, we both hurt right when we wake up, but as the day goes on, the aches and pains lessen. We’re both super awake and raring to go around 9pm, lol. Go figure! So, once we discovered this, we switched the time to either 9 or 9:30pm and have been walking EVERY NIGHT SINCE. Not every other night, but straight up every night!! We have even tried to call it off, but something just keeps dragging us out there every night. We had to do it at midnight a couple of days ago, and we were FINE with that, lol.

Oh wait, I do remember one night this past week, Erica had to cancel because her friend Sandy needed her, and I decided to not walk. You know what, you guys? I couldn’t do it. I sat in my room and knew, just knew, I had to do something. I decided to go outside and walk by myself. I told Ma and Tia I was headed out, and Tia decided she wanted to walk, too. So, we went together! It was hysterical, here I was, pouring sweat and panting and her heart rate wasn’t even elevated! I suggested she jog for a spurt, and she did. She did that a couple of times, and would jog back to where I was and keep walking with me. Erica and Sandy drove past us on their way back to her house. I thought after that, I’d like to try jogging with Tia. So from Canterbury Rd. to our car in the driveway (I am seriously bad with distances, but maybe thirty feet? More?) I jogged with Tia. It was so great!! I kept a steady pace, back straight, feet hitting the ground firmly and evenly. I thought I was too cool, lol. Until about an hour later. My knee was on FIRE! I must have landed wrong or my weight was too much for it to handle, I have no idea. Sadly, it still hurts to this day, but I have not let it stop me from walking. It doesn’t hurt when I walk, just when I straighten it out all the way. Thinking about it, though, I don’t think it’s my weight. I know that’s the logical conclusion, because joints can’t handle all this weight in a weight-bearing movement. However… I have jogged with DeAnna up and down the driveway a few times before, and as I’ve bragged about here on the blog, I’ve even jogged on the treadmill. So, I’m thinking I must have twisted or something on one of my strides. I do not recall this happening, but it’s the only thing I can think happened. It’s slowly feeling better, but wow, do I know how to screw my body up, or what?

Back to the Chubbie Buddie walks. They are so great because she and I just click. We walk for our normal half hour, but then keep going every single time because we just want to keep talking! Our aches and pains are just ignored and we keep sweating and walking, having a blast the whole time. Best workout, EVER!

One of the main reasons I’ve been AWOL here is because I was finishing the website for Bob’s Brass. It is so awesome! I finished it!! Shameless promo in 3…2…1… http://bobsbrass.com Check it out- all the cool people are doing it! ROFL!! I was literally doing NOTHING else last week. I’d wake up, start on the site, break at 9pm to walk, and then go back to working on it till I fell asleep. Wash, rinse, and repeat the next day. It was intense!

Ok, I am gonna go now. I’ll keep this updated now. Website is done, so I can do other things online, lol. How are you guys doing?

Hey, you guys! Saturday was a really great day! I had once again not slept the night before, which is getting old, let me tell you! I know it is related to being depressed, but it’s still annoying when I have things to do the next day and I can’t fall asleep to save my life! Grr. Anyhoo, I met up with Erica on the middle of our street and we started. I brought my cell so we’d know when thirty minutes was up. Sadly, I had no pockets on my walking pants, so the cell was in the bra, lol. I had a great time on our walk. We talked the whole time, which helped distract me from my calf, which, as we all know hates me, lol. We discussed stopping after fifteen minutes, but decided to power through and keep going. Our conversation was so natural and flowed so easily, we didn’t stop! We sat on my back steps and kept talking… for about three or four hours! Now, keep in mind- I was in the shade this whole time! Hunger came calling and we went to Subway where we continued with our giggly-hysterical ADHD convo! It was so much fun! We even paparazzi-stalked some very interesting looking sideburn enthusiasts! They were just too funny! If you know me on FB, check out the pictures of them!

It was while we were eating that I first noticed sunburn starting on my arms. Hmmm. Not good, but it was manageable at that point. After lunch, we drove all over the place. We found out that Momeyer, NC is a cute little town rife with photographic potential! We even made a video of us singing along to the radio like crazy people, which I am telling you about and you will never see, lol. We had a truly great time that day, and I know we have cemented a great friendship! Shout out to Erica! (And Sue and Steak!!! lol)

When we got back to the ‘hood I came back home, fully intending to do some housework, only to fall slam asleep! That was about 5pm, and I freaking slept until 1am!! I woke up, ate a little dinner (seriously little, a small bowl of bbq and coleslaw), watched a TV movie, and fell back to sleep around 4am. Before the sleep, though I went to the bathroom and when I saw myself in the mirror, I almost freaked out. My “manageable” sunburn was full-blown and an angry hot pink/red mixture. I was so startled!

When I woke up Sunday (at 7am!!!) I felt it then. The blankets touching me made me cry, it hurt so much. I couldn’t even put aloe or Noxzema on it. Everything hurt! I tried to wash some dishes, and had to keep taking breaks because just moving my arms hurt. I don’t even know when I got the burn! I am usually so careful about my skin, because I burn so easily. That’s why I stayed in the shade all day. Oy vey.

Yesterday (Sunday) was also Tia’s last day at Home Depot. She worked 11-8 and when she came home, Ma and I were there to listen/laugh/hug, whatever she needed. True, she wasn’t fired, but she has been at that job for years and that hurts when it’s gone. She’s still in shock, I can tell. Last year, when I was fired, I sat on the couch and watched LMN movies for a month before I realized what was happening. I just didn’t want to be in my own head, didn’t want to think. I wanted the TV to just tell me stories and let me be vacant. I needed that. I take a while to process things. So, I wonder how Tia is gonna take this first month of non-work. We’ll see!

I’m not walking and there is a reason for that! I am scared to sweat with this burn. Today is the worst day of it so far. It just keeps hurting more and more. I have to blow on my arms every few minutes to relieve some of the tingling and pain. I know I look crazy, lol. I can’t lift my arms without pain because the burn is all on my shoulders, too and when I lift them, the crease where your arm meets your body folds on itself and I want to scream! I have to wear my hair up in a bun cause if it touches my shoulders it hurts. Seriously, this is one of the worst burns I have ever had. I can’t do anything without it hurting a lot. Crap crappity crap.

This all means I had to cancel our second Chubbie Buddies walk this morning. No way could I go out in the sun, nor wear any shirt except for my spaghetti strap night shirt. Putting on sunscreen is a laughable thought; I can’t even put aloe on my arms! I felt bad for cancelling, but Erica understood. Hopefully I’ll feel better in time for the next one. I had optimistically rescheduled it for tomorrow, but it’s not looking good! I may have to call this one a bust and just focus on Wednesday’s walk. Still don’t know yet.

You guys, I feel like crap. Not only the physical pain of the burn, but also… well everything. I used to be able to hold everything in and not let it affect me, but I think I’ve snapped. Chemically, I cannot imagine what is happening in my head. It gets so bad now that I can’t even get out of bed sometimes. I try to think of friends of mine, who have it much worse than I do and still manage to do so much in a given day, and instead of motivating me, that makes me feel worse. I also recently found out how someone I was close to really thinks of me and it’s not in a favorable light. What they said was so hurtful and I had no idea that’s what they thought of me. I have a hard enough time talking about what is going on in my mind, but to hear that? Well, let’s just say I am not inclined to open up anymore. But I also know so many other people (like my loyal readers here- you guys!) care about me and want me to talk more so I can heal more. I don’t know. I feel like I should just snap out of it and do everything right and do it quickly. I know I am not making any sense, lol. There is just so much built up in my mind and I want to cry. The physical pain I got going on is not helping. I can’t really talk about what I think about. It just doesn’t come out. Wendy, Aisha, Serena and now Erica have all told me they are there for me when I want/need to talk, and it is wonderful to know I have that support from them, and I love them all so much, but I can’t just open up and talk about it. Not even to Ma and Tia! Sometimes that is because I don’t even know what is going on. No idea why I am crying or why my stomach is all in knots. Ok, that’s my emotional rant for the month, lol. I am depressed and it’s not leaving even with all my wonderful family and friends supporting me and making me get outta the house. Oh goodie.

I have no idea why, but yesterday was an energy sap! I went to be around midnight the night before and for some bizarre reason woke up at 6:30am. I tried my best to go back to sleep for about two hours, to no avail. So, I gave up at 8:30am and got up. I ate some breakfast and watched a little TV. Then I decided to walk on the treadmill because I always mean to do it at the beginning of the day, but my horrible sleep patterns prevent that, and when I wake up normally I never want to do it then. So, it seemed like a really good time to start. I got on my work out clothes, laced up the shoes, and grabbed the MP3 player. I got on and started at 1.2.

Immediately, I could tell something was off. Now, I never love it, but normally when I actually make it onto the treadmill, I get loose quickly and can stand it. I feel energy coming into me from it. NOT the case yesterday. Not at all. Every step I took felt like energy was seeping out of me. I was drained and it was getting worse with every step I switched songs, thinking maybe my energy level would perk up with a faster pace. Nothing. Then I decided to fake it till I made it (one of my life mottos, btw) and upped the speed to 1.5. Ugh! I kept it there and it was awful. I was feeling every step, aware of every muscle movement and of how drained I was. It was hellish! I stopped it at 18 minutes left and took a break.

I wasn’t feeling any more in the groove, but I knew I needed to continue, so after about five minutes, I got back on and continued. I couldn’t find a song I liked; my stride was odd and kept kicking up the treadmill belt in an odd way that made me stumble. I was a hot mess on that thing yesterday! Then it got to a point where I couldn’t take it anymore. I was just miserable; no endorphins were coming to my aide. My frickin’ right calf even started to hurt, just for fun! I stopped the treadmill and looked. I had 12 minutes left to go. I made a mental note of that and jumped off.

I would love to end this entry with: “And an hour later, I jumped back on and finished my half hour! It felt great! w00t!” But, alas, no. I stared at the treadmill most of the day, willing myself to finish the twelve minutes, but could not find the resources in me to do so. I do not know what the crap happened yesterday, but I was near some sort of black hole of energy. It wasn’t only sleeping six hours, I’m used to that. I’d had a cup of regular tea (black tea) before I walked so I had a little caffeine. I just do not know and it bothered me. I won’t let it freak me out because I know stuff just happens sometimes. Oh well.

Tomorrow morning at 7:30am is my and Erica’s first walk. It commences operation “Chubbie Buddie”! I’m looking forward to it, because it will be nice to workout with someone else. I normally don’t like to exercise with other people, but I think the Chubbie Buddies walks will actually benefit me and Erica. Having someone else to be accountable to helps keep you motivated. However, it is now 1:05am and I have not walked today. Ugh, fail. What do you guys think, should I walk tonight or call it an “off” day and just go to bed to be rested for the walk tomorrow? Ok, ok, I knew as I was writing that that the only smart thing to do was to go to sleep and I should have walked earlier! I know I know! Stop yelling! Lol.

So, I’ll blog tomorrow after the walk and let you guys know how it goes! Thanks for reading, you guys!

Hello, you guys! Yesterday I knew I was going to walk, didn’t even try to deny it, lol. Watched TV with Ma and Tia after Tia got home from work. Afterwards, we scattered, lol. I had DVR’d “Losing It with Jillian”, which is Jillian Michaels’ new show on NBC. I was excited to see it, because I miss the motivation I got from “The Biggest Loser.” Right away, I could see I needed to be watching it while I was on the treadmill. The show is really good, Jillian shows up at your house, stays for five days and makes you work-out and cry. I enjoyed it. I am not a “self-motivated” person, and watching Jillian (and Bob on BL) push people past what those people think they can do it really helpful. “Why do you choose failure when success is an option?” she asked this woman last night. That struck a chord inside me, because it’s what I do when it comes to weight loss. And I let myself give up, whining. So when she is screaming at them, as they throw out excuses, and she won’t let them get away with it… that helps me. It makes me focus on what I’m doing, how I let myself slack. I can hear her and Bob in my head when I’m on the treadmill, “HANDS UP!” As we all know, I have been known to flat out lean on the treadmill, lol. However, since them screaming at the BL9 contestants over and over again, “HANDS UP!” I have noticed I no longer hold on to it, or if I do, I hear them in my head and snatch my hands off! Did you know that holding on to the handrails on a treadmill reduces the work-out’s effectiveness by 40%?!?! Dude! That’s intense!

So, I paused the show and got on the treadmill. While she did her thing with that family, I started started on 1.5. I know!! Then, after only about a couple of minutes, I went to 1.7. This was during the beginning of the show, when they went to the gym, I decided to bump it up to 2.0 and keep it there. It didn’t suck, you guys. Freaky, right? I was breathing regularly and sweating profusely! Lol. They went to the gym three times, and each time I went to 2.0. During the other parts, I went back down to 1.7.

But here is the part of last night’s workout I am most proud of… I ran. Not jogged, like the day before, but RAN!!! Out of nowhere, while the family on TV was in the gym, on their treadmills, struggling, I had the feeling like I could push myself harder. That I was just coasting. So I increase to 3.0 “Say what!” Yup, 3.0! And I ran at this hyper fast-for-me speed for twenty seconds. Doesn’t sound like a lot, but for an overweight chick who just recently was 100% sedentary??! It was EPIC! I had my hands off the rails, my back was straight, and I was breathing in through the nose, out through the mouth. I was in the zone, you guys! It rocked so hard!

When I was done with the thirty minutes on the treadmill, I did my wonderful stretches. I am really getting close to touching my feet with my nose in one pose. My back popped and felt so good. I truly love my stretches now, you guys! Can you remember how much I hated them when I started them? Too funny.

After I was done with the workout, I was sweating like a pig! Wanna see? Ok! I took pictures! Just for you guys!!! Here you go:

Sweaty Shyla 1

Sweaty Shyla 3

Sweaty Shyla 5

Ok! Five sweaty pics of me, lol. Don’t say I hold out on you guys! Gonna skip the walk tonight and go right to bed. I’m starting slow, peeps! And running was NOT slow! So more walking (or jogging, or running) tomorrow! Talk to you guys then!

Wow. So I started yesterday as a continuation of the day before, meaning I had not been to sleep yet. This kinda freaked me out, because usually when I do that, it’s a choice. I choose to just stay up. However, the night before last, I took not only my normal muscle relaxer, but also OTC sleeping pills that normally knock me out. Only it did nothing to me, I just lay there, staring at the ceiling. It freaked me out. I have never had a pill just not work! Oh dear. When the sun started coming out, I gave up and got online. I filled out surveys, posted Rikitikitavi’s post here on the blog, talked to a couple people on Facebook chat, texted, emailed, and was IMing with Aisha all day long. The whole time, I knew I had to walk because I want to keep up my progress and keep the weight loss going. Pretty nice motivation, eh? I was happy with it!

I was also thinking of not walking because I was so very hyper and wired. I thought nothing good could come of it, and could just see me flying backward off the treadmill due to a mis-step. As I am a klutz even with sleep, this was a real concern! Lol. I debated with myself all day. Of course my natural “I just really don’t want to do it”-ness was in there fighting as well.

About 3pm, I had “decided” (I use quotes because I waffle back and forth when it comes to exercise and none of my decisions are ever final!) to not walk, stay up until bedtime and then get a good night’s sleep. Try again in the morning. I was ok with this, watching a marathon of “Tori and Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood” (yes, I am ashamed, don’t judge me!) and still chatting with Aisha. Ma and Tia were playing LOTRO, and all was pretty good in the house.

Damned if my brain wasn’t sending me little annoying “Just walk already! Why wait?!” messages. I tried to ignore them, like I know I can do, but that was not working yesterday. Frick. So, I decided (this time for real) to just screw it and walk. Granny actually helped tip the scale. I was IMing with her and I showed her how to get to and comment on this blog. She left a comment on my previous post and just her doing that, showing me support… it made me happy and feel like yes, dag nab it, I SHOULD walk tonight! So, I turned off the TV (there was nothing on at that point) and grabbed the MP3 player.

I started on 1.2, as usual. Now, normally, I’ll stay at that the whole time, bumping up to 1.5 for about a minute and then going back. But last night, I was in the zone. It must have been the sleep deprivation, or the tunes were just especially rockin’, because I almost immediately bumped up to 1.5 and then another song came on and I was feeling full of energy and bumped up to 2.0! But that’s not all! “Say what!?” Yes, there is more! The next song that came on was even more fast-paced and I was feeling it, you guys, feeling it!!!! So I went to… 2.5! Yes… yes I did. I was JOGGING!!! FREAKING JOGGING!!!!! And it didn’t last for just a minute, either! Nay Nay! I jogged for five minutes! FIVE MINUTES! “Now you just talkin’ crazy talk!” Nope, I actually jogged on my treadmill for five minutes! Then, because I was breathing funny, I dropped it back down to 2.0 for a few minutes, then 1.5 and stayed there for the rest of the time!

My post-walk stretches felt soooooo good! My back popped and cracked in all the right places and I was so full of endorphins, I felt crazy!

So that was my night. Spastic sleep-deprived energy crazy walking. Gotta love it, lol!

Hello, you guys! I’m still jazzed by the scale acknowledging my presence, lol. Tia asked me what I was thinking when I realized it was weighing me. I was immediately ready with this: it was like when you’re a little kid and you can’t do something all the other kids do… for example, if you are too poor to go on a field trip that parents have to pay for, or if you are too chubby to fit on a slide… but then, all of a sudden, with no warning, I could go on the field trip, I could slide down that slide. It was like I could finally do something the rest of the world doesn’t even think about but I was denied access to. It was such a wonderful feeling. But now begins the rest of my journey! Whew! Clear one hurdle and danged if there isn’t another. That’s ok, though. I can do this if I just look at one hurdle at a time. Which is what I plan to do.

Ok! So, my friend (we will call her Rikitikitavi for now) is also trying to lose weight and suggested we try together. Works for me! So, now I have a “Chubbie Buddie” to steal a phrase from Kirstie Alley! We will take walks outside together, make sure the other is staying on the journey, and be each other’s support. I’m very excited! She is going to be posting her journey here, too! Under the new page: “Rikitikitavi’s Corner.” I’ve got a guest blogger! w00t! Remember, anyone can post a blog entry here on Shyla Blogs! I welcome any guest bloggers! If you’d like to submit a blog entry, just email me the entry with “Guest Blogger” as the subject line! But Rikitikitavi is gonna be a regular guest blogger, so welcome!!

Sleep has been odd for me the past few days. Hmm. Gotta fix that. Ok, I’m gonna take some sleeping pills tonight so I can get up in the a.m. and walk again! I’ll holla at ya’ll laters! (Like my extreme mix of random slang? Lol!)

Oh my goodness, you guys! OH MY GOODNESS!!! So, I don’t even know where to start!! Ok, I gotta calm down, and just start at the beginning…

So, I woke up with a hurting back, as usual, and took a little while to wake up, see how Ma and Tia were doing, etc. Normal stuff, but I could feel a difference. That “I gotta make sure to walk today!” feeling was back! I haven’t had that in the back of my head for a while! It is one of my best motivators, ever, and when I lost that, it was like losing my mojo! So, I decided to just go ahead and walk right then, not wait for night time like I used to. I wanted it to be done, lol. I got on the treadmill, set up the laptop in front of me, got Hulu.com going, playing some “Cougar Town” and set it for thirty minutes. I wasn’t playing, you guys! I was gonna do it all in one set! Like I know I can! So I did. I walked and watched the shows (two eps of Cougar Town). I didn’t look at the remaining time even once! I knew to just keep breathing and walking, not touching the handles the whole time! Whoop! Go me! Go me! I was actually startled when the “five seconds till time’s up” beep started! I then jumped off the treadmill and started my stretches. I stopped the show, and turned on my music then, listening to the Glee remake of “Fire” while stretching. I always thought my stretching didn’t take that long, but its well over three and a half minutes! The song is that long, and I had to restart it halfway through! Coolness!

I went to Tia’s room after that to get the Pilates book to start that today, but an amazing – AMAZING- thing happened- Tia and I were talking about the scale (she got on it) and I was pointing out how I still can’t use it, and got on it….. and started crying. IT WEIGHED ME! OH MY GOD! The scale that has said I was too fat to even be weighed- WEIGHED ME! I was sobbing, Tia called Ma in, and they were sobbing. It was the most amazing moment I have had in a while. Yesterday, I was feeling depressed and letting outside negativity ruin my outlook and then today happened. It gave me my power back. It has changed the way I see things. I have lost at the very least ten pounds! The scale stops weighing after a certain weight (No, I’m not telling my current weight- when I reach my goal, I will) and I am now ten pounds below that! WHAT!

It’s paying off, you guys. No soda, cutting out sugar, only one cup of coffee a day, my sporadic exercising… it’s now showing a result and I can’t HANDLE THAT!!!! Lol. My goal is within reach, it really is this time. Amazing. I’ve never lost weight, you guys, never. I am so jazzed right now! All the stuff that had me beating myself up for being a failure to those around me has evaporated, because I know this- I’m not a failure. I’m not lazy, I am worth good things. I can do this; I can succeed, in ANYTHING I set my mind to. I see that now. It’s a new Shyla, you guys. And she is amazing.

Wow, you guys!!! I watched the season finale of “The Biggest Loser” and it has so re-motivated me! My weight loss journey took a bad beating when I got sick, but I CAN NOT let that stop me. I whine here, I moan and complain, but when I am working out, on the treadmill, the balance ball, or just stretching, I feel so wonderful and alive. *spoiler alert* When Michael won tonight… it got to me. Did you see him?! He looks so spectacular! And that was not easy, even with Jillian and Bob and the ranch. He lost friggin 260+ pounds in, like, 7 months! That is so amazing to me! I am so full of inspiration, like when I first saw this season, back in January. I started watching for Carolann, she talked about it on Facebook and was jumped on for liking it, so I decided to watch it “with” her (we are in different states). But something changed during that first episode. I connected with them. With Michael, Daris, Ashley, Sam, Stephanie… what they were saying rang true with me. I started this journey and they were my inspiration. Now that the show is over (I am so looking forward to next season, but it won’t be the same) I feel like… wait… I CAN do this. I may not be able to do this at quickly as they did, but I can start! The finale has just spurred me so much!

I wish my weight was the only issue in my mind right now. Alas, it isn’t. I still haven’t found a job and my financial responsibility is crushing me. I feel kinda desperate. I’m helping Wendy and Robert, this is true, but the company is in its infancy and we still have a long way to go. I need a job now to make sure I don’t lose my house! That keeps me up at night nowadays.

So, I do in fact have a lot on my mind, but somehow, I think if I start on my workout regimen again, I’ll feel better all around, be able to deal with everything better. Endorphins kick ass and so does self-confidence. I don’t have any of that any more, not since I lost my job and became, in my own words, a loser. I don’t feel “good enough” anymore, and I know, without a doubt that achieving my weight loss goals will help adjust my self-worth. I gotta win somewhere, you guys!

So, I have a plan! Not tonight, cause it’s late now, but starting tomorrow, I am going to start my 30 minutes a day on the treadmill again. It needs to be done! I can make all the excuses in the world, but that NEEDS to be done! I have walked with a migraine, I can do this! At the MINIMUM I will walk 30 minutes a day. But I also plan on adding back in my stretches Aaaaaaand… something else each day. Not the same thing, but something different each day. A run outside in the neighborhood, a sit-up session on the balance ball, some beginners Pilates from the book we have. Anything, but something different to keep me engaged. That will help to make sure I don’t get bored. I need that base of walking, with the added benefit of whatever else I throw in. This is gonna be good you guys!

I’m still gonna lean on you guys for support! I need my peeps here more than ever. Thank you so much to Wendy and Serena, my faithful, long suffering readers!

I am setting my FIRST long-term goal, you guys: By my thirtieth birthday (April 10, 2011) I will see that scale say 230lbs. or lower. That’s what I’m shooting for right now. And I know, I KNOW I can do it. I’m done letting myself down.

I watched “The Biggest Loser” tonight and it was so wonderful. I cried so hard. I mean, in five months those four people have changed how they look, how they feel and how they view life. It’s mind boggling. I am so inspired when they show they week 1 footage and then the “now” footage. It’s such a huge difference. I am fully aware that they do nothing on the ranch but train and have all sorts of support and help. I’m not thinking they just up and did this on their own. HOWEVER, all you naysayers, lol, I honestly do think now that it can be done. What makes me sad is my lack of faith in myself. I got sick and then *boom* all my drive and motivation, as sad as it was then, is all gone. I have been trying to get it back, but it’s gone.

I keep thinking of everyone telling me to just not give up. To keep pushing through. I want to do that, I want to be that Shyla who may fall constantly but keeps getting back up. I want to be her, but I’m so scared that I just do not have it in me. I am a giver-upper. Always have been. I know people can change, but this feels so ingrained that it’s like a limb on me. I give up when the going gets tough. That’s why I really needed this blog and all of your comments and support. It helped to know you guys were cheering me on.

But since having that nasty cold, I can’t seem to get my mojo back, even with all your support. That makes me sad. I no longer have that drive to exercise I did before. How do I get that back? And if the answer is to just do it anyway, regardless of whether my whiny self feels like it, how do I do that? I have no idea, you guys. None. This is hard.

I am just gonna post this as is. I’m in a funky head space and am coming to no conclusions. I want to keep going on this journey, but I am a self-defeatist. BUT I also know for a fact that I can overcome that. Curiouser and curiouser…

Hello, you guys! I had a great day today! I hung out with Mommy all day. We played a few minutes of LOTRO and then took the puppy and tortoise outside for about two hours. Ma sunned and I hid from the sun, lol. All I do is burn; I’ve never had a tan in my life! I’m too pasty white to do anything but burn, baby, burn! So whenever I go outside, I have to remember to apply sun block and if I forget, I burn. Simple as that! No middle ground with my skin! I so did not feel like putting the lotion on today, so I did the next best thing- I wore my big hat and sat in the shade! Once, it was really sunny and Ma and I set up a little sad sunless cave for me made of an umbrella and a sheet over that. Here’s a pic I took from inside my dark hole, lol:

Me trying not to burn!

Sad, right? Lol! Well, at least I have no melanoma scares, ever! And I can show everyone around me how great their tan is, just by comparison! Hahaha! I’m ok with my freakishly Irish skin tone, though.

After outside time, we talked for a while and then she took a nap while I made her a Mother’s Day card. It’s awesome, if I do say so myself. I’ll post it on FB (prob hers) soon so ya’ll can see my skills, lol.

Tia came home, we had dinner, and then video conferenced with Granny. That woman is so funny! I’m gonna be going to see her in June. I miss her am excited to spend time with her and UG! I’ll also get my little hands on her computer and can do a lot of tech support stuff directly to it, which she is looking forward to!

I decided to take Serena’s advice and just talk about my day. The day isn’t over, and I could still do some exercise—– Oh! I forgot! You guys will never believe this chizz! I was outside later in the evening with the puppy (ok, she’s like 13, but she’s my little baby puppy anyway!) and she was ignoring me and wandering. So, for some reason, I decided I’d get her attention by running. Like jogging/running. Seriously. She was instantly by my side and we both ran, full on, back to the house and in the back yard. I’ve never run before and it felt kinda awesome, even though it was only for a few minutes. I’m not counting it as my work out for the day, cause it was only for a few minutes, but it was awesome and startling to both me and the puppy! Something to think about…

As I was saying before my spaz memory kicked in, I may still work out tonight, but wanted to get the blog done for the night! If I do something, I’ll include it in tomorrow’s blog. If I don’t… then I won’t. Lol. Read Serena’s comments a couple of posts back; she made some interesting points about guilt versus motivation. Later, you guys!

So, today Ma and I decided we were gonna finish mowing the backyard and at the same time, let the tortoise have a stomp outside. We agreed that one would mow, and one would watch the tortoise (she likes to stomp fast and eat random things she shouldn’t) and then we’d switch off. This seemed like a good plan.

I started the mowing and did it until I couldn’t take it anymore. Ma told me to sit in the shade and watch Monshuzoo, who was just basking right then. Well, she must have been waiting for some Shyla fun time or something because that tortoise started stomping all over the back yard the minute I sat down! I had to dart after her and she was intent on stomping everywhere! Then I decided Ma had been mowing for a while, and I went to relieve her.

She took over a little later because I was hurting in my freaking calf and I was just so tired (the backyard is too freaking huge!), so she told me she’d finish up the mowing and I could just watch the tortoise. OMG, you guys! I watched her, followed her for about five minutes and then could not take it anymore! It was so mind numbingly frustrating. I have no idea why, but that was the most annoying thing in the world to me at that moment. I was fed up with Monshuzoo and her stomping, her eating random things that had to be pulled out of her mouth, just everything. I was still physically tired, but I went over to Ma and commandeered the mower. She looked at me with surprise and asked, “You’d rather mow?!” I told her, “Yes! The tortoise is annoying!” She laughed and relinquished the mower. I finished the mowing and she monitored the tortoise.

The mowing, oh wow, the mowing! There is this dip (or as I like to call it the hill of death) that is in our back yard that makes mowing it horrific. I definitely worked my legs and abs pushing that mower around. I’m sore right now and I love it! I sweated like a freak and it was so worth it! The back yard looks nice now, too!

So, I was not at all feeling the treadmill tonight, and I thought of just blowing it off. So I did. Tee Hee! I was just about to go to bed when I saw my MP3 player on a table and thought, “Huh… I haven’t listened to that today. Well… I don’t have to watch tv on the treadmill… maybe I should just listen to some music on it instead.” but nope, still wasn’t feeling it. So I decided to act on Wendy and Serena’s suggestions instead. The fact that I was still thinking about exercising and not immediately logging on here, saying, “Oh well, didn’t do anything, NIGHT!” and going to bed told me I kinda really wanted to do something . So, Serena has been telling me to try other forms of working out, and Wendy suggested dancing. So I did both! I put on my Mp3 player, cranked up the Subtle Sexuality (If you watch the Office, you get me!) and started dancing like I was mentally deranged!

I managed to hold on to my energy for that for about two songs, and then I got bored and decided to do some balance ball sit ups. Score! I did fifty, which for me is awesome! Then I switched to some lunges, and then some pushups. After that, I was ready to dance again and wouldn’t you know, my MP3 player’s random shuffle felt my groove and ended my spastic workout with “Unwritten” by Natasha … can’t remember her last name- field. It’s a big motivational song for me because it reminds me I’m not done… I need to remind myself of that a lot. I sometimes get into the mindset that this is all there is going to be in my life. And that is de- to tha- press- to tha end which is- ing! I need to be reminded I’m only 29 and everything changes! So I rocked that song, visualizing my “after” pictures, in which I am gonna rock some awesome shoes, and shorts, and a tank top. What what! You heard me- don’t hate! Lol!

What is freaking me out hardcore is that I am sweating like a freak! More than when I walk. I guess it’s because I was using more muscle groups than just walking alone uses. Coolness! I am still sweating! Right now! It’s so awesome! I know, gross, but it’s not! It’s gorgeous! I love my sweat because it means I am burning stuff off of me! w00t!

So, thank you to Serena (btw- Tia has a Pilates book I’m gonna try out!) and Wendy for their really really really good suggestions! If not for you ladies, I would have bowed out of physical activity tonight. You rock, I rock- we all rock!

Hello, you guys! Where to start? I guess an apology for not blogging in such a long time. I’m sorry. I really am. I know the only way I can stay motivated is to actually blog every day. I get embarrassed when I fail, and that makes me not want to blog until I do something, and then I don’t do something for days. This is something I am really trying to overcome. I know I should just write every day, no matter what I do because you guys are here to support me, to urge me forward. I think part of my newly slack approach to this journey has a lot to do with not writing to you guys daily. That’s gonna be a goal for this week. To blog every day, no matter if I meet other goals or not.

So, I failed miserably at that goal I set that I was so gung ho about. I didn’t walk once that week. Fail. However, I went to Maryland with Wendy’s fiancé Robert to do the Towsontown Spring Festival to sell some jewelry in a booth. Oh my crap! I got more of a workout than I thought I would. First of all, unloading the van in a hurry was good for my arms and legs. Then standing all day… I haven’t had to stand all day in a long long time, and it showed. I’ve been unemployed for a while and before that, I was at a place where we sat all day. My legs aren’t used to holding up my frame for any amount of time, and my poor feet were just astounded at what they had to support. I was actually embarrassed by how much I hurt. I felt so fat and out of shape… which, of course I am. I got to sit on a storage container a lot, and I still hurt so much that I had two massive cramps in my calves the first night. They woke me up and lasted about ten minutes each (the TV was on so I saw the time). That’s embarrassing. There were hills, inclines, etc where we were. When I walked around, looking at the other booths and the entertainment, I was quickly short-winded and my calves started to burn again. I sucked it up, though. Keep walking, and looking. At our booth, I was always smiling and friendly to customers. I had a good time, don’t get me wrong! I enjoyed learning from Robert how to answer customer questions and I really am a people person, so I enjoyed that part of it. I just hurt all over, lol. My feet and calves, and thighs, and hips, and back, and shoulders, and arms all ached. A lot. They still ache now, but to a lesser degree. And it’s mostly only my calves that hurt now.

So, that was Saturday and Sunday. Monday and Tuesday I was too sore to even think of moving. I took ibuprofen and muscle relaxers and watched TV. I know I should have pushed myself to walk on the treadmill those days. Oh well.

Yesterday, Wednesday, I had decided to try to walk at some point and then blog afterward. I was IMing with Wendy, and she practically slapped me through the computer to make sure I walked. I love her for that! Shout out to my Wendy!!! <> Ok, so I promised I’d walk after family time and then blog. However, family time lasted till 3am for some bizarre reason, so I didn’t blog… but I did walk! Just for 15 minutes, though. I set it for thirty minutes, but about ten minutes in, my calves started to hurt more than normal, and I knew I needed to slow it down and do it a little at a time to build back up. I didn’t want to cramp again, so I walked for five more minutes and then did my stretches. I felt good, but sore as all get out.

Today was a good day, too! We mowed again. Yay! My right calf is still acting up, and that kinda worries me, but I know with more activity it will stop hurting so much. It’s just a no activity muscle thing, I’m sure. I’m gonna keep moving, though. This is two days in a row of movement! Plus the fair over the weekend. I am very excited about this progress! w00t!

The no sugar in the house revolution is going strong. We are still doing well. I drink copious amounts of Crystal Light now. I like the Pink Lemonade and Iced Tea and Fruit Punch flavors. We had a casserole of whole wheat pasta and low sugar tomato sauce and no sugar cheese and spinach. It was really good, it surprised me! Eating better around here isn’t easy (I want a brownie!!) but it’s going a lot smoother than I thought it would. Ma has been not cheating, and taking it so seriously, which I am so proud of her for! Tia has become a label reading fiend, lol. We keep getting all sorts of experimental foods in here to yay or nay.

Ok, so even though the last goal I set didn’t get done, I’m gonna set some more mini goals. I feel that’s important to this journey and to my motivation.

1. Blog once a day at least. No matter what. Whether I move that day or not.
2. Walk for at least thirty minutes every day. Either on the treadmill or outside.
3. Maintain the soda ban and one cup a day of coffee.

I’m only gonna have those three, so I can focus on them. Too many and I’ll just give up. So, those three goals are what I’m gonna focus on this week. For the next seven days. Next Thursday, I’ll make some more goals.

Ok, gonna go rub my calves with Icy Hot now! Lol.